Sexuality and the Patient with Lupus
Just like most adults, those who have lupus also have the need to be loved, and to feel that they are desirable. It is difficult for a person with lupus to feel sexually attractive, or to feel “in the mood” for sex when they often feel fatigued or are in pain, are bloated or covered with rashes. It is possible to enjoy sex when you have lupus; it just takes a little planning beforehand, to make your experience as comfortable as possible.
Having lupus means that you need to be aware of special issues when it comes to being comfortable while having sex. If you have Raynaud’s phenomenon, a common condition for those with lupus, you should be sure to keep your hands and feet warm. There are several ways to do this. Right before having sex, take a warm shower or bath and make sure that the temperature in the room is set to a warm setting.
Other problems you may encounter besides the cold fingers and toes are: the presence of any lesions or ulcers in mouth or vagina, yeast infections, vaginal dryness and skin rashes (may make you feel less attractive).
What you can do:
If possible try to take a nap earlier in the day, so that you are well rested.
Ask your doctor about prescribing an anti-inflammatory or a pain medication that you can take before having sex to minimize inflammation and pain.
You can use a water-based personal lubricant during the sex act to help with the vaginal dryness.
If you notice beforehand that you may have a vaginal yeast infection you can obtain a prescription for a medication that will treat it.
If a method or position you are using causes discomfort or pain, gently discuss the situation with your partner. It may even be fun to come up with new positions that will be more comfortable for you and sexually pleasing for the both of you.
Remember to include your partner when it comes to sexual preparation. Together you can create the perfect setting that can relax you and create the proper mood for a pleasurable experience. Sometimes music can not only set the mood, but also relax you as it takes your mind off your disease and focuses your mind on having fun.
Your partner may have difficulty expressing his concern for you, so try not to misread a lack of communication on his part to mean anything other than what most males encounter – the inability to communicate appropriately. Where words generally tend to fail, a gentle caress or light touch, can encourage him, that you are not all that frail and that having sex is not going to hurt you (at least not too much). If you do experience any discomfort or pain, you can gently pull away and experiment with a different part of the anatomy. Dare to use your imagination. Lupus does not have to restrict the sexual side of your life. Relax and enjoy!
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