What is love? Many people are very confused by love. They wonder: is love something you can deliberately find, or do you have to wait for it to come to you? Are some people destined to find love and others not? How can you know when you’ve found it? Is there such a thing as true love?
Why do we care so much about love? Love is something that has the potential to bring us great satisfaction and real happiness. We all dream of a love that will fill our lives with joy and last forever. Is everyone who, deep down, would not want that kind of love?
At the same time, love seems to be extremely unpredictable and mysterious. Most of the stories and songs about love do not speak about the joys of love. There are many songs and poems about lost love, unfaithful love, the search for love, and falling in and out of love. This means that love is not always so easy to understand or to keep.
Everyone wants to love and be loved. In one way or another, love occupies the minds of all of us on a daily basis. It is perhaps the most written- about topic of poetry, song and story.
When one person gives love to another, creating a desire within the other person to return that love, a circuit is created, like electricity. This may create a bond that neither side wants to break. Eventually, the bond created between the two may become so strong that no force in the universe could break it. In this case two partners become as one being. They can’t imagine anything else but to be together in love.
Why does a circuit of love once begun, sometimes get broken? Selfishness creeps into love relationships when instead they are meant to be focused upon the other person. That is how the circuit- and the heart- gets broken.
The highest and most mature form of love is selfless. It is love that gives without expecting anything in return. It does not change just because it doesn’t get something back right away. Of course, everyone desires to be at the receiving end of Love, but a mature person focuses more on giving love than receiving it. Such love is unconditional.
Human beings long for unconditional love. When we experience unconditional love, it gives us a deep sense of peace, security, value, and well-being. This kind of love says that we are loved for who we are without having to do anything for it. We are loved not because we meet certain conditions, but simply because have value as human being.
Unconditional love can commonly be seen in parental love. Truly loving parents do not step to calculate how much they have given their children and decide that it is enough. They love their child simply because he or she is their child, and they want to give him or her everything they can so the child can have a good life. This kind of love knows no limits- the parents will work day and night for the benefit of their child.
However, a form of conditional love is also necessary in order for growth to occur. Parents give conditional love to their children as well.
Conditional love, guided by principles and expectations, is an important side of love. If we really love someone, we naturally want them to do good things and to feel happy about life. Parents give their children conditional love to guide and encourage the children to behave in such a way as to experience this joy. It is always for the sake of the child.
Most of people have a self-centered love. Self-centered love is a different story altogether. Self-centered love is so common; it almost appears to be the norm. It is not, however.
We can easily be taken in by self-centered love. The motivation behind self-centered love is to fulfill one’s own needs and desires rather than being truly concerned about the other, but, this motivation may be very deeply buried. The person may not even be aware that this is how he or she is “loving” the other.
Self centered love says things like: “I’ll love you as long as you make me look good.” “I’ll love you as long as you have sex with me.” “I’ll love you as long as you spend money on me.”
People marry because they think they lovesome another, but after a while they divorce. If love were truly present, could it simply disappear? Through bitter experience many people come to learn there is big difference between genuine love and what often passes for love in our world.
It is easy to be fooled by self-centered love. Our emotional and sexual feelings are strong and they carry us away. It feels like real love. But if we look deeply into our hearts or into the heart of the other person, we often will see self-centeredness at work. What we really want from this person we “love” is a flattering mirror reflecting ourselves. We actually care very little for the other person and much more for the way he or she makes us feel about ourselves.
Because self-centered love is so deceptive, it is important not to get physically involved until both people are ready to make a lasting commitment to one another in marriage. Otherwise, sexual excitement blinds us to the real nature of the relationship, and we wind up with broken hearts. Scientists have found that kind people who love people in general in an unselfish way have happier, long-lasting, love-filled marriages
True love is unselfish love. It is always for the sake of the other person. True love may be unconditional or conditional.
